To... a certain extent, I think? At least, we talked, and I think maybe we both understand each other a little better.
... it really hurt, though. It still hurts. I feel like I'm always scrambling to try and keep my unit from crumbling apart, but... maybe I'm the problem, because the people who've been with me the longest obviously aren't... comfortable with me? And the new ones don't believe I care.
...I'm not going to say that I understand what you're dealing with, because I've met most of the people in your unit somewhere between one and zero times each, so I honestly have no idea what kind of people they are.
But...everyone is different. If they can't tell that you care, it may be because they see the world from a very different perspective and don't know what they're looking at. I don't think that represents a failure on your part, though. It might just be a difference of personalities and views. Some people are harder to reach than others, but that doesn't mean it's not worth trying, and I don't think caring about them is wrong, even if you don't understand each other.
I think reaching out to people and trying to help and understand them is one of the best things anyone can do for each other in this place, and you are genuinely one of the kindest and most compassionate people I've met. For what it's worth, I think anyone would be lucky to have you on their unit, Anubis. I'm glad you are who you are.
I mean it. You're a really good person, Anubis. And if ever you're not confident about that fact, I'll just keep reminding you until you get so annoyed with me that you have to send Nine-Nine after me to beat me up.
Seriously, though, I'm really glad you were able to talk to Nya and start making some inroads there, even if they were just little ones. Remember that even small progress is still progress.
Do you think there's a chance you guys might be able to talk more in the future?
I'm glad to hear you say that! I think that's a really good sign.
I don't know anything about the others you mentioned... Haven't met either Loki or Hera, and I only said hello to Santa once, I think. Is there a chance you guys might be able to bridge whatever divide that's between you?
That's... probably more complicated. I want to think so, but I don't know Hera-san very well, and... Loki-san and Santa-san are very important to me, but they...
Loki-san reminds me of a guard dog, sometimes. He's quick to anger at what he sees as threats to people he cares about, but... he doesn't always think things through? And he seems to have decided he's inherently a bad person. I don't know how to argue with something like that.
... I don't think Santa-san believes anyone really cares about her.
Ah... There's someone in our unit who's kinda like that, too. He tries really hard to protect us but doesn't seem to understand how his actions affect others. He also believes that he's bad by nature, and therefore has less value than the rest of us. He thinks it doesn't matter if he gets hurt. It's really frustrating.
In Santa's case... maybe she's not used to being cared about, so she doesn't recognize it when she sees it...?
Well, you might be right. If she's had a rough life, and she's not used to being cared about, she really might be self-destructive. And if that's the case, then it's not fair to blame yourself for that. Her life history is not your fault, and you probably can't magically fix all her problems, no matter how hard you wish you could.
It's not your job to be her keeper. It's still good that you care about her, though. You can love a person without loving their behavior, and you can still support her and want to help her. But please make sure you don't destroy yourself in the process, you know?
I know. I just... I want my unit to, to be happy. Which I know is too much, but maybe to at least feel like they can be open with me. I guess it doesn't help that...
[trails off, with a sort of sad laugh.]
It seems really ironic that we're the "healing" team but I can't do anything about the things that are really hurting them.
I'm not saying to give up on them. There probably are ways to help, or at least support them and be there when they need you.
I'm just suggesting that you set realistic expectations. If you expect yourself to be able to perform a miracle, anything short of that is going to feel like a failure. In reality, even helping in small ways is still really good.
Keeping that in mind, maybe there are some ways to start working on stuff like trust and communication? Since you said those have been a little rough lately.
I've been trying to encourage communication for over a month, honestly. I've tried talking to everyone alone and as a group multiple times, I've bought books and games... things keep getting worse. I just-- I don't know.
I don't mind at all. I wish I could be more helpful, though.
Again, I don't really know any of your unitmates and I don't know what kind of things you've already tried, so I'm sorry if I'm not very useful. But I sympathize with the position you're in... It's super hard to watch someone you care about get hurt and not know how to help them. I feel you.
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rollwillpowercheck) wrote2018-12-03 06:11 pm
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Were you able to talk things out with him?
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... it really hurt, though. It still hurts. I feel like I'm always scrambling to try and keep my unit from crumbling apart, but... maybe I'm the problem, because the people who've been with me the longest obviously aren't... comfortable with me? And the new ones don't believe I care.
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...I'm not going to say that I understand what you're dealing with, because I've met most of the people in your unit somewhere between one and zero times each, so I honestly have no idea what kind of people they are.
But...everyone is different. If they can't tell that you care, it may be because they see the world from a very different perspective and don't know what they're looking at. I don't think that represents a failure on your part, though. It might just be a difference of personalities and views. Some people are harder to reach than others, but that doesn't mean it's not worth trying, and I don't think caring about them is wrong, even if you don't understand each other.
I think reaching out to people and trying to help and understand them is one of the best things anyone can do for each other in this place, and you are genuinely one of the kindest and most compassionate people I've met. For what it's worth, I think anyone would be lucky to have you on their unit, Anubis. I'm glad you are who you are.
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... thank you, Cobalt-san. I... really, thank you. That's really kind of you to say.
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No, he'd probably side with you. Gang up against me.
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... really, thank you.
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Seriously, though, I'm really glad you were able to talk to Nya and start making some inroads there, even if they were just little ones. Remember that even small progress is still progress.
Do you think there's a chance you guys might be able to talk more in the future?
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I don't know anything about the others you mentioned... Haven't met either Loki or Hera, and I only said hello to Santa once, I think. Is there a chance you guys might be able to bridge whatever divide that's between you?
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That's... probably more complicated. I want to think so, but I don't know Hera-san very well, and... Loki-san and Santa-san are very important to me, but they...
[trails off. what even to say.]
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... I don't think Santa-san believes anyone really cares about her.
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In Santa's case... maybe she's not used to being cared about, so she doesn't recognize it when she sees it...?
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[sighs]
Santa-san... she's had a really rough life. And I get that. But sometimes I think she's purposefully self-destructive.
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It's not your job to be her keeper. It's still good that you care about her, though. You can love a person without loving their behavior, and you can still support her and want to help her. But please make sure you don't destroy yourself in the process, you know?
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I know. I just... I want my unit to, to be happy. Which I know is too much, but maybe to at least feel like they can be open with me. I guess it doesn't help that...
[trails off, with a sort of sad laugh.]
It seems really ironic that we're the "healing" team but I can't do anything about the things that are really hurting them.
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I'm just suggesting that you set realistic expectations. If you expect yourself to be able to perform a miracle, anything short of that is going to feel like a failure. In reality, even helping in small ways is still really good.
Keeping that in mind, maybe there are some ways to start working on stuff like trust and communication? Since you said those have been a little rough lately.
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I'm... sorry to dump this all on you.
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Again, I don't really know any of your unitmates and I don't know what kind of things you've already tried, so I'm sorry if I'm not very useful. But I sympathize with the position you're in... It's super hard to watch someone you care about get hurt and not know how to help them. I feel you.
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You're a good person, Anubis. I hope things get easier for you. For all of you.
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